My Third Conversion (Closing With Christ) - Part 1

“Regeneration can occur but once in the experience of the same soul; but conversion can occur many times.” - George Lasher, The Fundamentals

When I was in my twenties, I often hoped that turning thirty would be a special age. After all, that was the age when the Lord Jesus entered into His earthly ministry. It was also the age when Joseph was exalted by Pharaoh to rule over Egypt. Hence, my secret desire was that the Lord would bestow on me a special measure of grace beginning at my thirtieth birthday – grace to overcome sin, grace to drink deeply from the Scriptures, grace to boldly serve God and His Christ. But as I approached the end of my twenties, instead of sensing an outpouring of divine grace, I became more and more afraid to die, or more exactly, I increasingly feared the Day of Judgment. Why? Because even though I was by this time an ordained Southern Baptist minister and outwardly moral, I knew that such things would not and could not commend me to God. Scripture passages like, “Brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure” (2 Peter 1:10) and “Examine yourselves , whether ye be in the faith” (2 Corinthians 13:5) were continually in the back of my mind. Yet, how does one make his calling and election sure? And by what rule does a person examine himself?

I had heard other preachers say that once you accepted Christ, you should drive a stake in your back yard with the date of that acceptance on the stake. Afterward, if you ever doubted your salvation, you should go out and look at that stake and say something like, “Devil, leave me alone. This was settled on such and such a date.” But this advice, although well-intentioned, seemed wrong-headed to me for three reasons.

First, it directly contradicts the scriptural admonitions cited above. Notice, it's not the devil, but the Apostle Paul, who commands professed believers to “Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith” (2 Corinthians 13:5). If he didn't want them to be concerned about the genuineness of their salvation, why would he ever make such a statement?

Second, what does it mean to accept Christ? Ask ten different Evangelicals what that means and you'll likely get ten different answers. Why? Because the Scriptures are silent about “accepting Christ.” In the King James Version, the two words “accept” and “Christ” never appear together in any verse in any order. In the New American Standard, they are only found together in Romans 15:7, but that verse has nothing to do with our accepting Christ. It says, “Wherefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.” Consequently, because there is no biblical definition for “accepting Christ,” its meaning lies in the eye of the beholder. It could be defined as anything from “praying the sinner's prayer,” to “being baptized,” to “asking Jesus into your heart.” And yet all of these meanings are defective with respect to conversion. For example, is it possible for a person to simply mouth the words of the sinner's prayer with little or no sincerity or even without understanding what is being prayed? Sure. Is being baptized a sure mark of being converted? No. Simon the Sorcerer was baptized in Acts 8:13; and yet, the Apostle Peter said to him in Acts 8:21, “Thou hast neither part nor lot in this matter: for thy heart is not right in the sight of God.” And what on earth does it mean to ask Jesus into your heart? Now granted, someone may say that by “accepting Christ,” they mean “repentance toward God, and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ” (Acts 20:21). And that's good - it's biblical. But my response is why not just say “repentance and faith?” Why add needless ambiguity by talking about “accepting Christ?”

Third, I am convinced that it is fundamentally flawed always to be looking back for something you did at such and such a time as the ultimate proof of your salvation. That's like saying in order to prove that I was born physically, I have to remember something I did as I was coming out of the womb or when I was two years old. No, all the proof I need of being born is that I'm alive now. Likewise, although true saving faith begins its manifestation at a specific point in time, it will continue to manifest itself throughout a Christian's life. In John 3:18, it says, “He that believeth on him [Jesus] is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already . . .” In both instances where we find the word “believeth,” the Greek text indicates that these verbs are linear, meaning that the activity of believing is not something simply done at a point in time. No, the believing is continuous. John 3:18 actually carries this meaning: “He that is believing on him [Jesus] is not condemned: but he that is not believing is condemned already.” Therefore the real question is not “Did you believe or 'accept Christ' at a certain time?” Rather, the real question is “Are you believing now?” By the way, this takes the emphasis off of something that you did (a work) and places it on something you possess (faith), which is the life of God in your soul. This is vitally important because we are justified by faith and not by works (Galatians 2:16).

None of this, however, means that there is anything wrong with reflecting upon a conversion experience. Rather, we shouldn't make the recollection of our conversion the sole basis for making our “calling and election sure.” Remember what the Lord Jesus said concerning hearers of the Word who are like stony ground. In Mark 4:16-17, He said, “And these are they likewise which are sown on stony ground; who, when they have heard the word, immediately receive it with gladness.” This is their conversion. So far it sounds fine. But then the Lord says they “have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when affliction or persecution ariseth for the word's sake, immediately they are offended” or as the New American Standard translates that last phrase: “immediately they fall away." While they had a “conversion experience,” they did not continue to believe. Their falling away revealed that their conversion had “no root." In other words, it did not precede from a regenerated heart. The life of God was not in them. So again, the question is not so much, “Did you believe?,” but “Are you believing?” Incidentally, a stony-ground hearer could easily use the stake-in-the-back-yard approach to gain assurance of salvation, but plainly, it would be an exercise in self-deception.

The only method of self-examination that sounded sensible to me was to look for evidences of repentance and faith, which as mentioned earlier, are biblical indicators of salvation. My only problem was that I wasn't altogether sure how to ascertain whether I possessed those qualities. No doubt, I had a kind of faith, but was it the faith that actually saves? In John 2:23-24, one reads that when Jesus was in Jerusalem for the Passover “many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did. But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all [men].” In other words, although many believed in Christ's name, the Lord rejected them and their faith because He could see their hearts, specifically, that their faith proceeded from a natural principle and not from the life of God in them (just like the stony-ground hearers mentioned above).

Numerous examples from Scripture could be cited here as evidence that not only does inadequate or non-saving faith exist, but that it is quite prevalent among religious people. Remember Christ's words in Matthew 7:13, where He said, “Wide [is] the gate, and broad [is] the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat.” Note that these “many” are not irreligious people. Irreligious folks wouldn't bother to “enter” any gate. They have neither faith nor concern about spiritual things. But the “many” mentioned here have made a conscious decision. They deliberately “go in” at the wide gate. Clearly, they would not have entered here without some kind of faith that they were on the right path. Yet their faith is non-saving because this way leads “to destruction.” As Proverb 14:12 says: “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof [are] the ways of death."

But what kind of faith seems right but is non-saving? Faith in religion. Faith in the church. Faith in baptism. Faith in prayer. Faith in a knowledge of the Bible. Faith in loving God and doing good to your neighbor. Even faith in faith. All of these things miss Christ.

Needless to say, this only intensified my anxiety concerning the Day of Judgment. I knew I could never offer any works to God because as it says in Galatians 2:16, “A man is not justified by the works of the Law but through faith in Christ Jesus” (NAS). Yet I couldn't simply be content with offering to God what faith I had, considering the Scriptures indicate that many possess a non-saving faith. To me, being close was not good enough. I wanted to make my calling and election sure. So in desperation, I remember praying, asking the Lord to take away my fear of dying. Little did I know what that entailed. I'm reminded here of one of John Newton's hymns. He wrote:

I asked the Lord that I might grow

In faith, and love, and every grace;

Might more of his salvation know,

And seek more earnestly his face.

['Twas he who taught me thus to pray,

And he, I trust, has answered prayer;

But it has been in such a way

As almost drove me to despair.]

I hoped that in some favored hour,

At once he'd answer my request;

And, by his love's constraining power,

Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, he made me feel

The hidden evils of my heart,

And let the angry powers of hell

Assault my soul in every part.

Yea, more, with his own hand he seemed 

Intent to aggravate my woe;

Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,

Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

"Lord, why is this?" I trembling cried;

"Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?"

"Tis in this way," the Lord replied, 

"I answer prayer for grace and faith.

"These inward trials I employ,

From self and pride to set thee free;

And break they schemes of earthly joy,

That thou mayst seek thy all in me."