The Name of It Was Called Marah
The words of Hezekiah, King of Judah:
During the decade of the Clinton presidency, I was pastor of a small Southern Baptist church in the Deep South. Years before I arrived, that church had adopted as its statement of faith the historic Abstract of Principles, which is also the doctrinal statement of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. Slowly, however, a situation arose in the church concerning me and the Abstract - not that I somehow deviated from it, but rather, that I actually believed (and taught) what it affirmed. Without getting into specifics, suffice it to say, the issue got tense and sometimes emotional.
Nevertheless, I still hoped against hope that the Lord would somehow intervene and bring us all together. In my mind that wasn't far-fetched because, even with our differences, there was a degree of mutual affection, albeit strained. But it just didn't happen. Instead, the truth of Amos 3:3 pressed heavily upon my mind: “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” On that score, there wasn't any doubt. Although we called ourselves one church, we neither agreed nor did we walk together. In reality, the church consisted of three groups - a small group that sympathized with my doctrinal leanings, another small group that adamantly opposed those views, and a middling group that seemed uncertain, swaying back and forth, almost like spectators. In the end, there was little common ground. So after a little more than seven years as pastor, I resigned with sobbing regret.
In the days immediately following, I wore shame like a garment, and sorrow sat in my heart like a stone. Because when a minister loses his church, whether he is voted out or forced out for whatever reason, it's emasculating. By all outward appearances, I was a failure. I didn't want to see anyone; I didn't want to talk to anyone. And I think I had a taste of what Hezekiah meant when he said “I shall go softly all my years in the bitterness of my soul” (Isaiah 38:15). If I hadn't believed in God's loving sovereignty over of my life, especially in those first few months, I could have easily lost my mind or worse.
But Hezekiah also said, “Behold, for peace I had great bitterness: but thou hast in love to my soul delivered it . . .” (Isaiah 38:17). Despite my spirit being crushed, the Lord still showed kindness to me and my family. We never missed a meal, and every bill was paid without going into debt. We were able to rent a small house in the next county, and away from all the stress of the previous few years, it was probably the best six months we ever had as a family. My children were preschoolers at the time, and the house had a large screened-in porch where they played for hours. Our landlords even gave each of them their own kitten which they adored. And my bruised soul began to heal. To this day, we still have fond recollections of the time we spent in that little house.
It's now been twenty years since I resigned that church. And while I regret what happened, I have no regrets about leaving. I still consider myself a theologian of sorts, but I have no desire to pastor another church.
“Like a crane or swallow, so did I chatter: I did mourn as a dove: mine eyes fail with looking upward: O LORD, I am oppressed; undertake for me. What shall I say? He hath both spoken unto me, and himself hath done it; I shall go softly all my years in the bitterness of my soul. O Lord, by these things men live, and in all these things is the life of the spirit: so wilt thou recover me, and make me to live. Behold, for peace I had great bitterness: but thou hast in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption: for thou hast cast all my sins behind thy back” (Isaiah 38:14-17).
During the decade of the Clinton presidency, I was pastor of a small Southern Baptist church in the Deep South. Years before I arrived, that church had adopted as its statement of faith the historic Abstract of Principles, which is also the doctrinal statement of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. Slowly, however, a situation arose in the church concerning me and the Abstract - not that I somehow deviated from it, but rather, that I actually believed (and taught) what it affirmed. Without getting into specifics, suffice it to say, the issue got tense and sometimes emotional.
Nevertheless, I still hoped against hope that the Lord would somehow intervene and bring us all together. In my mind that wasn't far-fetched because, even with our differences, there was a degree of mutual affection, albeit strained. But it just didn't happen. Instead, the truth of Amos 3:3 pressed heavily upon my mind: “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” On that score, there wasn't any doubt. Although we called ourselves one church, we neither agreed nor did we walk together. In reality, the church consisted of three groups - a small group that sympathized with my doctrinal leanings, another small group that adamantly opposed those views, and a middling group that seemed uncertain, swaying back and forth, almost like spectators. In the end, there was little common ground. So after a little more than seven years as pastor, I resigned with sobbing regret.
In the days immediately following, I wore shame like a garment, and sorrow sat in my heart like a stone. Because when a minister loses his church, whether he is voted out or forced out for whatever reason, it's emasculating. By all outward appearances, I was a failure. I didn't want to see anyone; I didn't want to talk to anyone. And I think I had a taste of what Hezekiah meant when he said “I shall go softly all my years in the bitterness of my soul” (Isaiah 38:15). If I hadn't believed in God's loving sovereignty over of my life, especially in those first few months, I could have easily lost my mind or worse.
But Hezekiah also said, “Behold, for peace I had great bitterness: but thou hast in love to my soul delivered it . . .” (Isaiah 38:17). Despite my spirit being crushed, the Lord still showed kindness to me and my family. We never missed a meal, and every bill was paid without going into debt. We were able to rent a small house in the next county, and away from all the stress of the previous few years, it was probably the best six months we ever had as a family. My children were preschoolers at the time, and the house had a large screened-in porch where they played for hours. Our landlords even gave each of them their own kitten which they adored. And my bruised soul began to heal. To this day, we still have fond recollections of the time we spent in that little house.
It's now been twenty years since I resigned that church. And while I regret what happened, I have no regrets about leaving. I still consider myself a theologian of sorts, but I have no desire to pastor another church.
Labels: Abstract of Principles, Southern Baptist Theological Seminary
posted by Troy Hurdle | 6:03 PM
1 Comments:
Hello Pastor Troy Hurdle. I am a also a Pastor from Mumbai, India. I am also glad to stop by your profile on the blogger and the blog post. I am also blessed and feel privileged and honoured to get connecgted with you as well as know you and about your interest in the Lord Jesus Christ and Theology. It was very moving experience while going through your blog post. I am sorry to know how members of the church can play with the life of a Minister and that he has to come to a point of quitting it. Probably you became a Pastor of existing church with their own Theological understanding because of which it was difficult for you to appease these groups and ultimately the members of the church lost a young Pastor who joined the ministry with call and vision for the church. This evey where where there people in the church who are in the form of Pharasis and who just see the opportunity to charge on Pastor with their selfish convictions. In my case I have been a Pastor of one church for last 40 yrs right from the beginning of the church. I was involved in this church right from the beginning of the church and hence I had no such problem but in this journey there have been some joy suckers in whose life I invested so much but due to their rebellious attitude they did try to suck my joy in the ministry. This Church has been an insturment in planting fourteen new churches over the years and also raised over 18 young people for the full time ministry. I have come to a point of retiring from the Pastoral ministry. Looking forward to finish it well within next one or two years but then continue to work as long as the Lord gives me good health. Me and my wife have been praying for the start of Nursing Home for the Retired Ministers who do not have any one to take care of them in their old age. Many Pastor's do not have retirement benefits or welfare schemes and at time life becomes vulnarable for such Ministers who do not have any one to take care of them. Well coming back what I wanted to share about the ministry we have been doing in this great city of Mumbai is reaching out the poorest of poor people with the love of Christ, This city of Mumbai is a great city with a great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reach out to the poorest of poor with the love of Christ to bring heaing to the brokenhearted. W also encourage young and the adults from the west to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. We would love to have your grown up childre to come to Mumbai with their friends to work with us during their vacation time. I am sure they will have a life changing experience. Looking forward to hear from you very soon. God's richest blessings on you, your family and friends. My email id isL dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede. God willing I wil be coming to the United States in the month of July 2019 and will be so glad to stop by your place and meet you.
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